What a beautiful and blessed Sunday for me. I have a rainy and windy day but I remained Happy and satisfied though I feel it’s not. Someone trying to make me stick to the plan. I guess that’s God. I always suspected him to all the good things that happens and I suspected myself for bad things that happens. Today I’m blessed because I’m still trying to keep myself positive no matter what. I’m not blessed financially in fact, I was expecting a blessing for me to use it for my plans but I cancelled it and I have let it go for my brother-in-law’s sake. I don’t have any. I only have fighting spirit and hope.
Yesterday was a bad day because I received a bad news about my brother-in-law. My niece said that her father fell in the bathroom. They were trying to wake him up. It took hours before he wake up. I was so nervous because I remembered what happened to my father in the bathroom. Same reason, Stroke. They said they wasn’t able to bring him to the hospital because they don’t have money and they don’t have anyone to lean on. My sister said that she can’t trust his brothers and sisters when it comes to money. Me as her sister I’m so ashamed because I have nothing on my pocket to give to them, to help them.
Lately I saw a video on facebook about the crisit in Marawi City. I feel a lot of emotion and shame within me because I can’t offer any help. Seeing the happenings there and hearing the bombing was really terrible.
I’ve never been in marawi city. It wasn’t familiar for me but as a Filipino I have care for them. I hope the war will ends once the other side realized our rights. Well I guess they will never realized that because of their pride and eagerness for drug’s sake.
I was so excited to watch the SONA of our President Duterte because on his first SONA, honestly he amazed me about his purposes as a President. He knows what he’s fighting for. One of the great thing about him is his being Frank about everything. His SONA lasts 2 hours and 10 minutes. I am happy but there are things that honestly I don’t feel satisfied or solved like Internet Issues and Karaoke issues. The speed of internet here in the Philippines didn’t changed. There are still some cities who still allow unlimited Karaoke which violated the rights of all neighbors. At some point I understand because for sure he only focused on “Top Priorities” like drugs. But I hope he will allow other investors in to this country who will and can provide faster internet connection. He must focus on this too because it’s slow down the businesses and educations.
I expected that many changes will come. I expected him to stand against drugs which successfully happened, for me. I expected that many people will fall once he starts the war. Sad to say there are lives will be affected because drugs is the worst addiction all over the world. There must be a strong man to stand against it and that is Him. Our President.
I have an amazing thoughts today. Those thoughts can build me up to the better version of me. Thoughts from God, about God and for God. Now I realized something about God. I think I know him better now. God is a wise God. I guess he don’t like quick process he want a slow and long process of everything. He is powerful he can create the world in a glimpse but he didn’t because he is passionate and wise creator. Now I understand why God create everything in 6days. It’s like a work of art, like a painting, artists spend lots of times until they finish what they wanted to create. Now I’m learning God’s processing about things.
Last night I received many invalid clicks from Crazy people that made me decided to sign out to my Adsense account to keep me away from hope. Adsense is my door of hope as a Suicidal. I was planning to publish a last blog post last night, a goodbye post but my net became slow and I don’t know why. I was thinking about everything in my life. How and Why it happened? What will I do next?
My name is Jane.
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The Better Version of Me
Strength Within Me
Monique Diplock's 3rd Challenge: "Write 5 Places in the World You Like or Want to Visit and Why?"