I don’t like celebrating occasions though my family does. We don’t make "party" stuff, I'm thankful for that. Because first, I hate noise from distractive people. Second, I don’t like mixing with others in the crowd.
About my upcoming birthday… I don’t care about it. Nothing good happens every time it coming. I've never been happy on my birthdays. Except those days that my father gave me Ice Cream. But it will never happen again… because he's dead.
I don’t have plans. Well I had, before I went back to blogging. There's a lot of negativity inside my head and sickness that I feel from every vein all over my body. I got sick since my father died. Well I've let it happen. I made myself sick and now I don’t do anything about it. I don’t take medicine for it to heal. Most of the times it makes me feel weaker. I just close my eyes and do nothing. I have the power and strength to do everything but I don’t do it because of the thoughts that are stronger than my hope.
Sometimes I think I'm just wasting my time… that nothing will really happens no matter how I plan… no matter how I try to do or change… because I can't do anything… that I'm not capable of… that I'm a loser… a failure… a quitter… and that I'm part of God's mistake.
See? I have no reasons to celebrate my birthday. Only my father valued my birthday but I will never feel his love anymore. Whatever he gave me I appreciated because I know he loved me. And the greatest thing about him is he's not selfish when it comes to money.
I will not celebrate my birthday. I will just drink privately and listen to the songs that have been with me all my life. And cry. Because it's the best way to feel everything in my heart.
My name is Jane.
My Top Blog Posts
The Better Version of Me
Strength Within Me
Monique Diplock's 3rd Challenge: "Write 5 Places in the World You Like or Want to Visit and Why?"